The Gottman Method Couples Therapy is based on Dr. John Gottman’s research that began in the 1970s and continues to this day. The research has focused on what makes relationships succeed or fail. From this research, Drs. John and Julie Gottman created a method of therapy that emphasizes a nuts-and-bolts approach to improving clients’ relationships.
This method teaches specific tools to deepen friendship and intimacy in your relationship. To help you productively manage conflicts, you will be given methods to manage resolvable problems and learn to engage in healthy dialogue about gridlocked issues. We will also work together to help you appreciate your relationship’s strengths and to gently navigate through it’s vulnerabilities.
The Sound Relationship House Theory
Gottman’s Sound Relationship House Theory is the foundation of Gottman Method Couples Therapy. The Gottman method addresses nine specific areas that need to be nurtured for a relationship to thrive. Attending to these areas increases the likelihood of positive interactions, which, according to Gottman, is one of the primary components of a successful relationship.
Build Love Maps
Love maps are the basis of any friendship or romantic relationship. Building love maps is learning the inner landscape of your partner’s world, his or her history, worries, stresses, conflicts, joys, hopes, and dreams.
Share Fondness and Admiration
Fondness and Admiration are the antidote for contempt and focuses on the amount of affection and respect in a relationship. Expressing appreciation and respect strengthens fondness and admiration.
Turn Towards Instead of Away
This level focuses on how a couples expresses their needs and responds, or turns towards, each other’s bids for affection and attention. We teach couples how to look for theses small everyday moments that are the building blocks of a relationship.
The Positive Perspective
Couples who remain positive when problem-solving or working through issues while engaging in successful repair attempts deflect contempt and defensiveness. This leads to couples seeing each other with a positive perspective and leads to feelings of enhanced mutual success.
Conflict is a normal part of any relationship. We say “manage” conflict rather than “resolve” conflict, because relationship conflict is natural and has functional, positive aspects. When conflict is ongoing, it needs to be addressed. When momentary conflicts arise, approaching them positively with a a sense of mutual respect will lead to successful problem solving. Understand that there is a critical difference in handling perpetual problems and solvable problems. We teach you skills to manage both types of problems.
Make Life Dreams Come True
Fostering an atmosphere that encourages each partner to talk candidly about his her hopes and dreams, values, convictions and aspiration create a sense of safety and non-judgement.
Create Shared Meaning
Take some time and work through understanding important myths, metaphors, meaning, visions, and narratives that describe your relationship for both you and your partner.
Acting and thinking in a way that demonstrates you have your partner’s best interests at heart and take those interests into consideration along with you own engenders trust and a sense of safety. In other words, this means, “my partner has my back and is there for me.”
Holding on to the belief that your relationship is a lifelong journey, for better or worse, is essential to creating a strong foundation for your relationship. This also means that if your relationship gets worse, you are both committed to improving it. It suggests honoring your partner’s positive qualities and nurturing a sense of gratitude when considering your partner in relationship to other people. It also implies that you stop negative thoughts about your partner, especially when comparing them to real or imagined others.
What to Expect
At Modern Family Therapy, PLLC, we are trained in the Gottman Method and conduct an assessment of your relationship. You will complete a comprehensive questionnaire and receive detailed feedback about your relationship. From there, you will work collaboratively with your therapist to decide on the frequency and duration of therapy. Gottman interventions help couples strengthen their relationship in three primary areas: friendship, conflict management, and creating shared meaning. Couples learn to replace negative conflict patterns with positive interactions to repair past hurts and betrayals. Interventions are designed to increase closeness and intimacy, improve friendship, and deepen emotional connection. These changes foster a sense of shared meaning for the couple. We also address relapse prevention.
Please schedule your free 20-minute phone consultation to learn more about getting started.